If this part isn't updated at 2am randomly, I'm not doing it right
Growing up I was never given the chance to question or explore my gender identity. I vividly remember telling my mom on the way to swim lessons that I wanted "to be a tomboy", and she told me that no, I was to remain a girly-girl and that was that for 13 long years. I didn't really question my gender until I was a senior in high school and even then I was dismiss those thoughts. So then, what changed? What thing gave me the tools to slowly come to terms with and start unpacking my relationship with my gender?
Persona 5 Royal. Yep you read that right, the jrpg where you dramatically rip off your mask and hit shadows with a cat-bus. Persona 5 Royal is all about breaking free, taking power over your life, and finding a will of rebellion. But none of those themes made me question everything like the existance of Goro Akechi. I could say a lot about the detective prince, his deceiving nature, his pretty boy status, his gay ass rivalry with Joker... but the first thing that stuck out was his hair. I was jealous of it from the moment I first saw his artwork. I mean my hair is now literally cut and styled after his now. I used to always have long waist length hair growing up, but god the euphoria of cutting it short is amazing, I get dysphoric if I grow it out too long now lmao. Back to Akechi though, my envy of him kept growing by the day. The sweater vest outfit in particular has done a number on shaping my sense of fashion and style now. Everything about his apearance filled me with an obsession and jealousy I had never felt before.
"Ok ok but wheres the fandom in this, you're just obsessing over a wet cat of a gender" you might be thinking, and gimme like one minute were getting there. So the biggest thing that led me to self discovery was Vhvra's art specifically the detective princess au, which is a trans goro akechi au where he is afab and stuck living life as the perfect girly detective but comes to terms with his gender over time, mainly in 3rd semester. It was super eye-opening to me in a way other gender resources havent been, because it was something I was able to actually identify with the experience of. And thats the biggest thing fandom brings when it comes to gender exploration. There's so many people sharing trans headcannons and aus from different perspectives that it can really click once you find a relatable one. It takes the gender envy I already have for a character and goes, what if you can be more like them? What if it was possible to become what you envy, by bringing the ideal closer. Vhvrs was that fandom ideal for me when I stumbled across them on ao3. It made me feel seen in a way I'm unused to, and led me to researching what emotions I had been experiencing for so long. Emotions that I bottled up and repressed for years.
What I'm trying to say is that people telling trans and gender-queer stories through fandom characters has had such a massive positive impact on my life. Its let me slowly explore and come to terms with stuff I had been struggling with for so long through associating it with my favorite characters. Shout out to goro akechi for being so gender that I've been styling myself after him in presentation :3
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
I've has this collection of images on my computer in my downloads since last semester finals lmfao, I was originally gonna dump em all on my tumblr :P